Okay, so on Saturday it will have been two weeks since J and I broke up, and I have been a bit of a mess, though less so now than before. Last week I would cry in the middle of the day. Just all of a sudden. Now I have been thinking of what I could have done better. You know, if I could do it all over again.
It struck me today that I really get her. More than anyone I have been with. I really feel like I get her. In the cool light of post-break up reflection, I think I finally put the last major piece in place. It’s kind of funny, breaking up. You are breaking up, finally, with someone you know, you understand. Even if the break up is the result of accumulated mutual baggage, you spent the time getting the ins and outs of a person. Spent the time developing greater and greater connection. At least, if you are doing it right that is what you are doing. Assuming that the person you got to know isn’t a monster (most people aren’t) that makes it tough. And I worked very hard getting to know J as best as I could in the time we had.
Here’s a crazy goddamned thing: What I miss most right now is our evening texting. I don’t even like texting. I think that, for the most part, it is a lazy evil activity. But I looked forward to that just about every night, and out of habit I still do. I look for it and when it isn’t there I feel the separation even more. Goddammit.
Anyway, I am going to spend the next couple of months catching up with To Do items I have let fall behind. Not really in the mood to get back out there right away. I’d rather get my bearings again. So, I will have a little more time to post on here. I do have a couple of things I would like to tell you about and I found two rotisserie restaurants that I now have to try.
Oh, and Lucy developed a cough. It is very strange, the cough. She coughs when she gets excited. We went to the vet yesterday and got the diagnosis of Kennel Cough (which I figured, hoped, it was) and came home with ten days worth of Clavamox, an antibiotic. Already she is better. I cannot tell if that is coincidental or if there is a direct cause/effect relationship, but she is definitely better. So that is good. Because the alternative diagnoses were pretty grim.
Okay, so you will hear a little more from me, at least for the near future.